James Joyce
Book III

Chapter 2

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    Jaunty Jaun, as I was shortly before that made aware, next
halted to fetch a breath, the first cothurminous leg of his night-
stride being pulled through, and to loosen (let God's son now be
looking down on the poor preambler!) both of his bruised
brogues that were plainly made a good bit before his hosen were,
at the weir by Lazar's Walk (for far and wide, as large as he was
lively, was he noted for his humane treatment of any kind of
abused footgear), a matter of maybe nine score or so barrelhours
distance off as truly he merited to do. He was there, you could
planemetrically see, when I took a closer look at him, that was to
say, (gracious helpings, at this rate of growing our cotted child of
yestereve will soon fill space and burst in systems, so speeds the
instant!) amply altered for the brighter, though still the graven
image of his squarer self as he was used to be, perspiring but
happy notwithstanding his foot was still asleep on him, the way
he thought, by the holy januarious, he had a bullock's hoof in his
buskin, with his halluxes so splendid, through Ireland untran-
scended, bigmouthed poesther, propped up, restant, against a
butterblond warden of the peace, one comestabulish Sigurdsen,
(and where a better than such exsearfaceman to rest from roving
the laddyown he bootblacked?) who, buried upright like the
Osbornes, kozydozy, had tumbled slumbersomely on sleep at
night duty behind the curing station, equilebriated amid the
embracings of a monopolized bottle.

    Now, there were as many as twentynine hedge daughters out
of Benent Saint Berched's national nightschool (for they seemed
to remember how it was still a once-upon-a-four year) learning
their antemeridian lesson of life, under its tree, against its warn-
ing, beseated, as they were, upon the brinkspondy, attracted to
the rarerust sight of the first human yellowstone landmark (the
bear, the boer, the king of all boors, sir Humphrey his knave
we met on the moors!) while they paddled away, keeping time
magnetically with their eight and fifty pedalettes, playing foolu-
fool jouay allo misto posto, O so jaonickally, all barely in their
typtap teens, describing a charming dactylogram of nocturnes
though repelled by the snores of the log who looked stuck to
the sod as ever and oft, when liquefied, (vil!) he murmoaned
abasourdly in his Dutchener's native, visibly unmoved, over his
treasure trove for the crown: Dotter dead bedstead mean diggy
smuggy flasky!
    Jaun (after he had in the first place doffed a hat with a rein-
forced crown and bowed to all the others in that chorus of praise
of goodwill girls on their best beehiviour who all they were girls
all rushing sowarmly for the post as buzzy as sie could bie to read
his kisshands, kittering all about, rushing and making a tremen-
dous girlsfuss over him pellmale, their jeune premier and his rosy-
posy smile, mussing his frizzy hair and the golliwog curls of him,
all, but that one; Finfria's fairest, done in loveletters like a trayful
of cloudberry tartlets (ain't they fine, mighty, mighty fine and
honoured?) and smilingly smelling, pair and pair about, broad
by bread and slender to slimmer, the nice perfumios that came
cunvy peeling off him (nice!) which was angelic simply, savouring
of wild thyme and parsley jumbled with breadcrumbs (O nice!)
and feeling his full fat pouch for him so tactily and jingaling
his jellybags for, though he looked a young chapplie of sixtine,
they could frole by his manhood that he was just the killingest
ladykiller all by kindness, now you, Jaun, asking kindlily (hillo,
missies!) after their howareyous at all with those of their dolly-
begs (and where's Agatha's lamb? and how are Bernadetta's
columbillas? and Juliennaw's tubberbunnies? and Eulalina's

tuggerfunnies?) he next went on (finefeelingfit!) to drop a few
stray remarks anent their personal appearances and the contrary
tastes displayed in their tight kittycasques and their smart fricky-
frockies, asking coy one after sloy one had she read Irish legginds
and gently reproving one that the ham of her hom could be
seen below her hem and whispering another aside, as lavariant,
that the hook of her hum was open a bittock at her back to have
a sideeye to that, hom, (and all of course just to fill up a form
out of pure human kindness and in a sprite of fun) for Jaun, by
the way, was by the way of becoming (I think, I hope he was)
the most purely human being that ever was called man, loving all
up and down the whole creation from Sampson's tyke to Jones's
sprat and from the King of all Wrenns down to infuseries) Jaun,
after those few prelimbs made out through his eroscope the
apparition of his fond sister Izzy for he knowed his love by her
waves of splabashing and she showed him proof by her way of
blabushing nor could he forget her so tarnelly easy as all that
since he was brotherbesides her benedict godfather and heaven
knows he thought the world and his life of her sweet heart could
buy, (brao!) poor, good, true, Jaun!
          Sister dearest, Jaun delivered himself with express cordia-
lity, marked by clearance of diction and general delivery, as he
began to take leave of his scolastica at once so as to gain time
with deep affection, we honestly believe you sorely will miss us
the moment we exit yet we feel as a martyr to the dischurch of
all duty that it is about time, by Great Harry, we would shove
off to stray on our long last journey and not be the load on ye.
This is the gross proceeds of your teachings in which we were
raised, you, sis, that used to write to us the exceeding nice letters
for presentation and would be telling us anun (full well do we
wont to recall to mind) thy oldworld tales of homespinning and
derringdo and dieobscure and daddyho, these tales which reliter-
ately whisked off our heart so narrated by thou, gesweest, to
perfection, our pet pupil of the whole rhythmetic class and the
mainsay of our erigenal house, the time we younkers twain were
fairly tossing ourselves (O Phoebus! O Pollux!) in bed, having

been laid up with Castor's oil on the Parrish's syrup (the night
we will remember) for to share our hard suite of affections with
    I rise, O fair assemblage! Andcommincio. Now then, after
this introit of exordium, my galaxy girls, quiproquo of directions
to henservants I was asking his advice on the strict T.T. from
Father Mike, P.P., my orational dominican and confessor doctor,
C.C.D.D. (buy the birds, he was saying as he yerked me under
the ribs sermon in an offrand way and confidence petween peas
like ourselves in soandso many nuncupiscent words about how he
had been confarreating teat-a-teat with two viragos intactas about
what an awful life he led, poorish priced, uttering mass for a
coppall of geldings and what a lawful day it was, there and then,
for a consommation with an effusion and how, by all the manny
larries ate pignatties, how, hell in tunnels, he'd marry me any
old buckling time as flying quick as he'd look at me) and I am
giving youth now again in words of style byaway of offertory
hisand mikeadvice, an it place the person, as ere he retook him
to his cure, those verbs he said to me. From above. The most
eminent bishop titular of Dubloonik to all his purtybusses in
Dellabelliney. Comeallyedimseldamsels, siddle down and lissle
all! Follow me close! Keep me in view! Understeady me saries!
Which is to all practising massoeurses from a preaching freer and
be a gentleman without a duster before a parlourmade with-
out a spitch. Now. During our brief apsence from this furtive
feugtig season adhere to as many as probable of the ten com-
mandments touching purgations and indulgences and in the long
run they will prove for your better guidance along your path of
right of way. Where the lisieuse are we and what's the first sing
to be sung? Is it rubrics, mandarimus, pasqualines, or verdidads
is in it, or the bruiselivid indecores of estreme voyoulence and,
for the lover of lithurgy, bekant or besant, where's the fate's to
be wished for? Several sindays after whatsintime. I'll sack that sick
server the minute I bless him. That's the mokst I can do for his
grapce. Economy of movement, axe why said. I've a hopesome's
choice if I chouse of all the sinkts in the colander. From the com-

mon for ignitious Purpalume to the proper of Francisco Ultramare,
last of scorchers, third of snows, in terrorgammons howdydos.
Here she's, is a bell, that's wares in heaven, virginwhite, Undetri-
gesima, vikissy manonna. Doremon's! The same or similar to be
kindly observed within the affianced dietcess of Gay O'Toole
and Gloamy Gwenn du Lake (Danish spoken!) from Manducare
Monday up till farrier's siesta in china dominos. Words taken in
triumph, my sweet assistance, from the sufferant pen of our joco-
sus inkerman militant of the reed behind the ear.
    Never miss your lostsomewhere mass for the couple in Myles
you butrose to brideworship. Never hate mere pork which is bad
for your knife of a good friday. Never let a hog of the howth
trample underfoot your linen of Killiney. Never play lady's game
for the Lord's stake. Never lose your heart away till you win his
diamond back. Make a strong point of never kicking up your
rumpus over the scroll end of sofas in the Dar Bey Coll Cafeteria
by tootling risky apropos songs at commercial travellers' smokers
for their Columbian nights entertainments the like of White limbs
they never stop teasing or Minxy was a Manxmaid when Murry
wor a Man. And, by the bun, is it you goes bisbuiting His Esaus
and Cos and then throws them bag in the box? Why the tin's
nearly empty. First thou shalt not smile. Twice thou shalt not
love. Lust, thou shalt not commix idolatry. Hip confiners help
compunction. Never park your brief stays in the men's con-
venience. Never clean your buttoncups with your dirty pair of
sassers. Never ask his first person where's your quickest cut to
our last place. Never let the promising hand usemake free of
your oncemaid sacral. The soft side of the axe! A coil of cord, a
colleen coy, a blush on a bush turned first man's laughter into
wailful moither. O foolish cuppled! Ah, dice's error! Never dip
in the ern while you've browsers on your suite. Never slip the
silver key through your gate of golden age. Collide with man,
collude with money. Ere you sail foreget my prize. Where you
truss be circumspicious and look before you leak, dears. Never
christen medlard apples till a swithin is in sight. Wet your thistle
where a weed is and you'll rue it, despyneedis. Especially beware

please of being at a party to any demoralizing home life. That
saps a chap. Keep cool faith in the firm, have warm hoep in the
house and begin frem athome to be chary of charity. Where it
is nobler in the main to supper than the boys and errors of out-
rager's virtue. Give back those stolen kisses; restaure those all-
cotten glooves. Recollect the yella perals that all too often beset
green gerils, Rhidarhoda and Daradora, once they gethobby-
horsical, playing breeches parts for Bessy Sudlow in flesh-
coloured pantos instead of earthing down in the coalhole trying
to boil the big gun's dinner. Leg-before-Wicked lags-behind-
Wall where here Mr Whicker whacked a great fall. Femora-
familla feeled it a candleliked but Hayes, Conyngham and Erobin-
son sware it's an egg. Forglim mick aye! Stay, forestand and
tillgive it! Remember the biter's bitters I shed the vigil I buried
our Harlotte Quai from poor Mrs Mangain's of Britain Court on
the feast of Marie Maudlin. Ah, who would wipe her weeper dry
and lead her to the halter? Sold in her heyday, laid in the straw,
bought for one puny petunia. Moral: if you can't point a lily get
to henna out of here! Put your swell foot foremost on foulardy
pneumonia shertwaists, irriconcilible with true fiminin risirvi-
tion and ribbons of lace, limenick's disgrace. Sure, what is it on the
whole only holes tied together, the merest and transparent washing-
tones to make Languid Lola's lingery longer? Scenta Clauthes
stiffstuffs your hose and heartsies full of temptiness. Vanity flee
and Verity fear! Diobell! Whalebones and buskbutts may hurt
you (thwackaway thwuck!) but never lay bare your breast sec-
ret (dickette's place!) to joy a Jonas in the Dolphin's Barncar
with your meetual fan, Doveyed Covetfilles, comepulsing payn-
attention spasms between the averthisment for Ulikah's wine and
a pair of pulldoors of the old cupiosity shape. There you'll fix
your eyes darkled on the autocart of the bringfast cable but here
till youre martimorphysed please sit still face to face. For if the
shorth of your skorth falls down to his knees pray how wrong
will he look till he rises? Not before Gravesend is commuted. But
now reappears Autist Algy, the pulcherman and would-do per-
former, oleas Mr Smuth, stated by the vice crusaders to be well

known to all the dallytaunties in and near the ciudad of Buellas
Arias, taking you to the playguehouse to see the Smirching of
Venus and asking with whispered offers in a very low bearded
voice, with a nice little tiny manner and in a very nice little tony
way, won't you be an artist's moral and pose in your nudies as a
local esthetic before voluble old masters, introducing you, left
to right the party comprises, to hogarths like Bottisilly and
Titteretto and Vergognese and Coraggio with their extrahand
Mazzaccio, plus the usual bilker's dozen of dowdycameramen.
And the volses of lewd Buylan, for innocence! And the phylli-
sophies of Bussup Bulkeley. O, the frecklessness of the giddies
nouveautays! There's many's the icepolled globetopper is haunt-
ed by the hottest spot under his equator like Ramrod, the meaty
hunter, always jaeger for a thrust. The back beautiful, the un-
draped divine! And Suzy's Moedl's with their Blue Danuboyes!
All blah! Viper's vapid vilest! Put off the old man at the very
font and get right on with the nutty sparker round the back.
Slip your oval out of touch and let the paravis be your goal.
Up leather, Prunella, convert your try! Stick wicks in your ear-
shells when you hear the prompter's voice. Look on a boa in
his beauty and you'll never more wear your strawberry leaves.
Rely on the relic. What bondman ever you bind on earth I'll be
bound 'twas combined in hemel. Keep airly hores and the worm
is yores. Dress the pussy for her nighty and follow her piggy-
tails up their way to Winkyland. See little poupeep she's firsht
ashleep. After having sat your poetries and you know what
happens when chine throws over jupan. Go to doss with
the poulterer, you understand, and shake up with the milch-
mand. The Sully van vultures are on the prowl. And the
hailies fingringmaries. Tobaccos tabu and toboggan's a back
seat. Secret satieties and onanymous letters make the great un-
watched as bad as their betters. Don't on any account acquire
a paunchon for that alltoocommon fagbutt habit of frequenting
and chumming together with the braces of couples in Mr Tun-
nelly's hallways (smash it) wriggling with lowcusses and cock-
chafers and vamps and rodants, with the end to commit acts of

interstipital indecency as between twineties and tapegarters,
fingerpats on fondlepets, under the couvrefeu act. It's the thin
end; wedge your steps! Your high powered hefty hoyden thinks
nothing of ramping through a whole suite of smokeless hus-
bands. Three minutes I'm counting you. Woooooon. No triching
now! Give me that when I tell you! Ragazza ladra! And is that
any place to be smuggling his madam's apples up? Deceitful
jade. Gee wedge! Begor, I like the way they're half cooked.
Hold, flay, grill, fire that laney feeling for kosenkissing disgeni-
cally within the proscribed limits like Population Peg on a hint or
twim clandestinely does be doing to Temptation Tom, atkings
questions in barely and snakking svarewords like a nursemagd.
While there's men-a'war on the say there'll be loves-o'women
on the do. Love through the usual channels, cisternbrothelly,
when properly disinfected and taken neat in the generable way
upon retiring to roost in the company of a husband-in-law or
other respectable relative of an apposite sex, not love that leads
by the nose as I foresmellt but canalised love, you understand,
does a felon good, suspiciously if he has a slugger's liver but I
cannot belabour the point too ardently (and after the lessions of
experience I speak from inspiration) that fetid spirits is the thief
of prurities, so none of your twenty rod cherrywhisks, me
daughter! At the Cat and Coney or the Spotted Dog. And at
2bis Lot's Road. When parties get tight for each other they lose
all respect together. By the stench of her fizzle and the glib of her
gab know the drunken draggletail Dublin drab. You'll pay for
each bally sorraday night every billing sumday morning. When
the night is in May and the moon shines might. We won't meeth
in Navan till you try to give the Kellsfrieclub the goby. Hill or
hollow, Hull or Hague! And beware how you dare of wet cock-
tails in Kildare or the same may see your wedding driving home
from your wake. Mades of ashens when you flirt spoil the lad
but spare his shirt! Lay your lilylike long his shoulder but buck
back if he buts bolder and just hep your homely hop and heed
no horning but if you've got some brainy notion to raise cancan
and rouse commotion I'll be apt to flail that tail for you till it's

borning. Let the love ladleliked at the eye girde your gastricks
in the gym. Nor must you omit to screw the lid firmly on that
jazz jiggery and kick starts. Bumping races on the flat and point
to point over obstacles. Ridewheeling that acclivisciously up
windy Rutland Rise and insighting rebellious northers before the
saunter of the city of Dunlob. Then breretonbiking on the free
with your airs of go-be-dee and your heels upon the handlebars.
Berrboel brazenness! No, before your corselage rib is decartilaged,
that is to mean if you have visceral ptossis, my point is, making
allowances for the fads of your weak abdominal wall and your
liver asprewl, vinvin, vinvin, or should you feel, in shorts, as
though you needed healthy physicking exorcise to flush your
kidneys, you understand, and move that twelffinger bowel and
threadworm inhibitating it, lassy, and perspire freely, lict your
lector in the lobby and why out you go by the ostiary on to
the dirt track and skip! Be a sportive. Deal with Nature the great
greengrocer and pay regularly the monthlies. Your Punt's Per-
fume's only in the hatpinny shop beside the reek of the rawny.
It's more important than air      I mean than eats      air (Oop, I
never open momouth but I pack mefood in it) and promotes that
natural emotion. Stamp out bad eggs. Why so many puddings
prove disappointing, as Dietician says, in Creature Comforts
Causeries, and why so much soup is so muck slop. If we
could fatten on the elizabeetons we wouldn't have teeth like
the hippopotamians. However. Likewise if I were in your
envelope shirt I'd keep my weathereye well cocked open for
your furnished lodgers paying for their feed on tally with
company and piano tunes. Only stuprifying yourself! The too
friendly friend sort, Mazourikawitch or some other sukinsin of
a vitch, who he's kommen from olt Pannonia on this porpoise
whom sue stooderin about the maul and femurl artickles and who
mix himself so at home mid the musik and spanks the ivory
that lovely for this your Mistro Melosiosus MacShine MacShane
may soon prove your undoing and bane through the succeeding
years of rain should you, whilst Jaun is from home, get used to
basking in his loverslowlap, inordinately clad, moustacheteasing,

when closehended together behind locked doors, kissing steadily,
(malbongusta, it's not the thing you know!) with the calfloving
selfseeker, under the influence of woman, inching up to you, dis-
arranging your modesties and fumbling with his forte paws in your
bodice after your billy doos twy as a first go off (take care, would
you stray and split on me!) and going on doing his idiot every
time you gave him his chance to get thick and play pigglywiggly,
making much of you, bilgetalking like a ditherer, gougouzoug,
about your glad neck and the round globe and the white milk and
the red raspberries (O horrifier!) and prying down furthermore to
chance his lucky arm with his pregnant questions up to our past
lives. What has that caught to sing with him? The next fling
you'll be squitting on the Tubber Nakel, pouring pitchers to the
well for old Gloatsdane's glorification and the postequities of
the Black Watch, peeping private from the Bush and Rangers.
And our local busybody, talker-go-bragk. Worse again! Off of
that praying fan on to them priars! It would be a whorable state
of affairs altogether for the redcolumnists of presswritten epics,
Peter Paragraph and Paulus Puff, (I'm keepsoaking them to cover
my concerts) to get ahold of for their balloons and shoot you
private by surprise, considering the marriage slump that's on this
oil age and pulexes three shillings a pint and wives at six and
seven when domestic calamities belame par and newlaids bellow
mar for the twenty twotoosent time thwealthy took thousands
in the slack march of civilisation were you, becoming guilty of
unleckylike intoxication to have and to hold, to pig and to pay
direct connection, qua intervener, with a prominent married member
of the vicereeking squad and, in consequence of the therein-
under subpenas, be flummoxed to the second degree by becoming a
detestificated companykeeper on the dammymonde of Luca-
lamplight. Anything but that, for the fear and love of gold! Once
and for all, I'll have no college swankies (you see, I am well
voiced in love's arsenal and all its overtures from collion boys
to colleen bawns so I have every reason to know that rogues'
gallery of nightbirds and bitchfanciers, lucky duffs and light
lindsays, haughty hamiltons and gay gordons, dosed, doctored

and otherwise, messing around skirts and what their fickling in-
tentions look like, you make up your mind to that) trespassing
on your danger zone in the dancer years. If ever I catch you at it,
mind, it's you that will cocottch it! I'll tackle you to feel if you
have a few devils in you. Holy gun, I'll give it to you, hot, high
and heavy before you can say sedro! Or may the maledictions
of Lousyfear fall like nettlerash on the white friar's father that
converted from moonshine the fostermother of the first nancy-
free that ran off after the trumpadour that mangled Moore's melo-
dies and so upturned the tubshead of the stardaft journalwriter
to inspire the prime finisher to fellhim the firtree out of which
Cooper Funnymore planed the flat of the beerbarrel on which
my grandydad's lustiest sat his seat of unwisdom with my tante's
petted sister for the cause of his joy! Amene.
    Poof! There's puff for ye, begor, and planxty of it, all abound
me breadth! Glor galore and glory be! As broad as its lung and
as long as a line! The valiantine vaux of Venerable Val Vous-
dem. If my jaws must brass away like the due drops on my lay.
And the topnoted delivery you'd expected be me invoice! Theo
Dunnohoo's warning from Daddy O'Dowd. Whoo? What I'm
wondering to myselfwhose for there's a strong tendency, to put
it mildly, by making me the medium. I feel spirts of itchery out-
ching out from all over me and only for the sludgehummer's
force in my hand to hold them the darkens alone knows what'll
who'll be saying of next. However. Now, before my upperotic
rogister, something nice. Now? Dear Sister, in perfect leave again I
say take a brokerly advice and keep it to yourself that we, Jaun, first
of our name here now make all receptacles of, free of price. Easy,
my dear, if they tingle you either say nothing or nod. No cheeka-
cheek with chipperchapper, you and your last mashboy and the
padre in the pulpbox enumerating you his nostrums. Be vacillant
over those vigilant who would leave you to belave black on white.
Close in for psychical hijiniks as well but fight shy of mugpunters.
I'd burn the books that grieve you and light an allassundrian bom-
pyre that would suffragate Tome Plyfire or Zolfanerole. Perousse
instate your Weekly Standerd, our verile organ that is ethelred by all

pressdom. Apply your five wits to the four verilatest. The Arsdi-
ken's An Traitey on Miracula or Viewed to Death by a Priest
Hunter is still first in the field despite the castle bar, William
Archer's a rompan good cathalogue and he'll give you a riser on
the route to our nazional labronry. Skim over Through Hell
with the Papes (mostly boys) by the divine comic Denti Alligator
(exsponging your index) and find a quip in a quire arisus aream
from bastardtitle to fatherjohnson. Swear aloud by pious fiction
the like of Lentil Lore by Carnival Cullen or that Percy Wynns
of our S. J. Finn's or Pease in Plenty by the Curer of Wars,
licensed and censered by our most picturesque prelates, Their
Graces of Linzen and Petitbois, bishops of Hibernites, licet ut
lebanus, for expansion on the promises, the two best sells on the
market this luckiest year, set up by Gill the father, put out by Gill
the son and circulating disimally at Gillydehooly's Cost. Strike up
a nodding acquaintance for our doctrine with the works of old
Mrs Trot, senior, and Manoel Canter, junior, and Loper de Figas,
nates maximum. I used to follow Mary Liddlelambe's flitsy tales,
espicially with the scentaminted sauce. Sifted science will do your
arts good. Egg Laid by Former Cock and With Flageolettes in Send
Fanciesland. Chiefly girls. Trip over sacramental tea into the long
lives of our saints and saucerdotes, with vignettes, cut short into
instructual primers by those in authority for the bittermint of your
soughts. Forfet not the palsied. Light a match for poor old
Contrabally and send some balmoil for the schizmatics. A hemd
in need is aye a friendly deed. Remember, maid, thou dust art
powder but Cinderella thou must return (what are you robbing
her sleeve for, Ruby? And pull in your tongue, Polly!). Cog that
out of your teen times, everyone. The lad who brooks no
breaches lifts the lass that toffs a tailor. How dare ye be laughing
out of your mouthshine at the lack of that? Keep cool your fresh
chastity which is far better far. Sooner than part with that vesta-
lite emerald of the first importance, descended to me by far from
our family, which you treasure up so closely where extremes
meet, nay, mozzed lesmended, rather let the whole ekumene
universe belong to merry Hal and do whatever his Mary well

likes. When the gong goes for hornets-two-nest marriage step
into your harness and strip off that nullity suit. Faminy, hold
back! For the race is to the rashest of, the romping, jomping
rushes of. Haul Seton's down, black, green and grey, and hoist
Mikealy's whey and sawdust. What's overdressed if underclothed?
Poposht forstake me knot where there's white lets ope. Whisht!
Blesht she that walked with good Jook Humprey for he made
her happytight. Go! You can down all the dripping you can
dumple to, and buffkid scouse too ad libidinum, in these lassi-
tudes if you've parents and things to look after. That was what
stuck to the Comtesse Cantilene while she was sticking out Mavis
Toffeelips to feed her soprannated huspals, and it is henceforth
associated with her names. La Dreeping! Die Droopink! The
inimitable in puresuet of the inevitable! There's nothing to touch
it, we are taucht, unless she'd care for a mouthpull of white pud-
ding for the wish is on her rose marine and the lunchlight in her
eye, so when you pet the rollingpin write my name on the pie.
Guard that gem, Sissy, rich and rare, ses he. In this cold old
worold who'll feel it? Hum! The jewel you're all so cracked
about there's flitty few of them gets it for there's nothing now
but the sable stoles and a runabout to match it. Sing him a ring.
Touch me low. And I'll lech ye so, my soandso. Show and show.
Show on show. She. Shoe. Shone.
    Divulge, sjuddenly jouted out hardworking Jaun, kicking
the console to his double and braying aloud like Brahaam's ass,
and, as his voixehumanar swelled to great, clenching his manlies,
so highly strong was he, man, and gradually quite warming to
her (there must have been a power of kinantics in that buel
of gruel he gobed at bedgo) divorce into me and say the cur-
name in undress (if you get into trouble with a party you are
not likely to forget his appearance either) of any lapwhelp or
sleevemongrel who talks to you upon the road where he tuck
you to be a roller, O, (the goattanned saxopeeler upshotdown
chigs peel of him!) and volunteers to trifle with your round-
lings for profferred glass and dough, the marrying hand that
his leisure repents of, without taking out his proper password

from the eligible ministriss for affairs with the black fremdling,
that enemy of our country, in a cleanlooking light and I don't
care a tongser's tammany hang who the mucky is nor twoo
hoots in the corner nor three shouts on a hill (were he even
a constantineal namesuch of my very own, Attaboy Knowling,
and like enoch to my townmajor ancestors, the two that are
taking out their divorces in the Spooksbury courts circuits,
Rere Uncle Remus, the Baas of Eboracum and Old Father
Ulissabon Knickerbocker, the lanky sire of Wolverhampton,
about their bristelings), but as true as there's a soke for sakes in
Twoways Peterborough and sure as home we come to newsky
prospect from west the wave on schedule time (if I came any
quicker I'll be right back before I left) from the land of breach
of promise with Brendan's mantle whitening the Kerribrasilian
sea and March's pebbles spinning from beneath our footslips to
carry fire and sword, rest insured that as we value the very name
in sister that as soon as we do possibly it will be a poor lookout
for that insister. He's a markt man from that hour. And why do
we say that, you may query me? Quary? Guess! Call'st thou?
Think and think and think, I urge on you. Muffed! The wrong
porridge. You are an ignoratis! Because then probably we'll
dumb well soon show him what the Shaun way is like how we'll
go a long way towards breaking his outsider's face for him for
making up to you with his bringthee balm of Gaylad and his
singthee songs of Arupee, chancetrying my ward's head into
sanctuary before feeling with his two dimensions for your nup-
tial dito. Ohibow, if I was Blonderboss I'd gooandfrighthisdual-
man! Now, we'll tell you what we'll do to be sicker instead of
compensation. We'll he'll burst our his mouth like Leary to the
Leinsterface and reduce he'll we'll ournhisn liniments to a
poolp. Open the door softly, somebody wants you, dear! You'll
hear him calling you, bump, like a blizz, in the muezzin of the
turkest night. Come on now, pillarbox! I'll stiffen your scribeall,
broken reed! That'll be it, grand operoar style, even should I,
with my sleuts of hogpew and cheekas, have to coomb the brash
of the libs round Close Saint Patrice to lay my louseboob on his

behaitch like solitar. We are all eyes. I have his quoram of
images all on my retinue, Mohomadhawn Mike. Brassup! More-
over after that, bad manners to me, if I don't think strongly about
giving the brotherkeeper into custody to the first police bubby
cunstabless of Dora's Diehards in the field I might chance to
follopon. Or for that matter, for your information, if I get the
wind up what do you bet in the buckets of my wrath I mightn't
even take it into my progromme, as sweet course, to do a rash act
and pitch in and swing for your perfect stranger in the meadow
of heppiness and then wipe the street up with the clonmellian,
pending my bringing proceedings verses the joyboy before a
bunch of magistrafes and twelve good and gleeful men? Filius
nullius per fas et nefas. It should prove more or less of an event
and show the widest federal in my cup. He'll have pansements
then for his pensamientos, howling for peace. Pretty knocks, I
promise him with plenty burkes for his shins. Dumnlimn wimn
humn. In which case I'll not be complete in fighting lust until I
contrive to half kill your Charley you're my darling for you and
send him to Home Surgeon Hume, the algebrist, before his ap-
pointed time, particularly should he turn out to be a man in brown
about town, Rollo the Gunger, son of a wants a flurewaltzer to
Arnolff's, picking up ideas, of well over or about fiftysix or so,
pithecoid proportions, with perhops five foot eight, the usual
X Y Z type, R.C. Toc H, nothing but claret, not in the studbook
by a long stortch, with a toothbrush moustache and jawcrockeries,
alias grinner through collar, and of course no beard, meat and
colmans suit, with tar's baggy slacks, obviously too roomy for
him and springside boots, washing tie, Father Mathew's bridge
pin, sipping some Wheatley's at Rhoss's on a barstool, with some
pubpal of the Olaf Stout kidney, always trying to poorchase mov-
ables by hebdomedaries for to putt in a new house to loot, cigarette
in his holder, with a good job and pension in Buinness's, what
about our trip to Normandy style conversation, with an oc-
casional they say that filmacoulored featured at the Mothrapurl
skrene about Michan and his lost angeleens is corkyshows do
morvaloos, blueygreen eyes a bit scummy developing a series of

angry boils with certain references to the Deity, seeking relief
in alcohol and so on, general omnibus character with a dash of
railwaybrain, stale cough and an occasional twinge of claudication,
having his favourite fecundclass family of upwards of a decade,
both harefoot and loadenbrogued, to boot and buy off, Imean.
    So let it be a knuckle or an elbow, I hereby admonish you!
It may all be topping fun but it's tip and run and touch and flow
for every whack when Marie stopes Phil fluther's game to go.
Arms arome, side aside, face into the wall. To the tumble of the
toss tot the trouble of the swaddled, O. And lest there be no
misconception, Miss Forstowelsy, over who to fasten the plight-
forlifer on (threehundred and thirty three to one on Rue the
Day!) when the nice little smellar squalls in his crydle what the
dirty old bigger'll be squealing through his coughin you better
keep in the gunbarrel straight around vokseburst as I recommence
you to (you gypseyeyed baggage, do you hear what I'm praying?)
or, Gash, without butthering my head to assortail whose stroke
forced or which struck backly, I'll be all over you myselx hori-
zontally, as the straphanger said, for knocking me with my name
and yourself and your babybag down at such a greet sacrifice with
a rap of the gavel to a third price cowhandler as cheap as the nig-
gerd's dirt (for sale!) or I'll smack your fruitflavoured jujube lips
well for you, so I will well for you, if you don't keep a civil tongue
in your pigeonhouse. The pleasures of love lasts but a fleeting but
the pledges of life outlusts a lieftime. I'll have it in for you. I'll
teach you bed minners, tip for tap, to be playing your oddaugghter
tangotricks with micky dazzlers if I find corsehairs on your
river-frock and the squirmside of your burberry lupitally covered
with chiffchaff and shavings. Up Rosemiry Lean and Potanasty
Rod you wos, wos you? I overstand you, you understand. Ask-
ing Annybettyelsas to carry your parcels and you dreaming of
net glory. You'll ging naemaer wi'Wolf the Ganger. Cutting
chapel, were you? and had dates with slickers in particular
hotels, had we? Lonely went to play your mother, isod? You was
wiffriends? Hay, dot's a doll yarn! Mark mean then! I'll homeseek
you, Luperca as sure as there's a palatine in Limerick and in

striped conference here's how. Nerbu de Bios! If you twos goes
to walk upon the railway, Gard, and I'll goad to beat behind the
bush! See to it! Snip! It's up to you. I'll be hatsnatching harrier
to hiding huries hinder hedge. Snap! I'll tear up your limpshades
and lock all your trotters in the closet, I will, and cut your silk-
skin into garters. You'll give up your ask unbrodhel ways when
I make you reely smart. So skelp your budd and kiss the hurt!
I'll have plenary sadisfaction, plays the bishop, for your partial's
indulgences if your my rodeo gell. Fair man and foul suggestion.
There's a lot of lecit pleasure coming bangslanging your way,
Miss Pinpernelly satin. For your own good, you understand, for
the man who lifts his pud to a woman is saving the way for
kindness. You'll rebmemer your mottob Aveh Tiger Roma
mikely smarter the nickst time. For I'll just draw my prancer
and give you one splitpuck in the crupper, you understand, that
will bring the poppy blush of shame to your peony hindmost till
you yelp papapardon and radden your rhodatantarums to the
beat of calorrubordolor, I am, I do and I suffer, (do you hear me
now, lickspoon, and stop looking at your bussycat bow in the
slate?) that you won't obliterate for the bulkier part of a running
year, failing to give a good account of yourself, if you think I'm
so tan cupid as all that. Lights out now (bouf!), tight and sleep
on it. And that's how I'll bottle your greedypuss beautibus for
ye, me bullin heifer, for 'tis I that have the peer of arrams that
carry a wallop. Between them.
    Unbeknownst to you would ire turn o'er see, a nuncio would
I return here. How (from the sublime to the ridiculous) times
out of oft, my future, shall we think with deepest of love and
recollection by rintrospection of thee but me far away on the
pillow, breathing foundly o'er my names all through the empties,
whilst moidhered by the rattle of the doppeldoorknockers. Our
homerole poet to Ostelinda, Fred Wetherly, puts it somewhys
better. You're sitting on me style, maybe, whereoft I helped
your ore. Littlegame rumilie from Liffalidebankum, (Toobli-
queme!) but a big corner fill you do in this unadulterated seat of
our affections. Aerwenger's my breed so may we uncreepingly

multipede like the sands on Amberhann! Sevenheavens, O heaven!
Iy waount yiou! yore ways to melittleme were wonderful so
Ickam purseproud in sending uym loveliest pansiful thoughts
touching me dash in-you through wee dots Hyphen, the so
pretty arched godkin of beddingnights. If I've proved to your
sallysfashion how I'm a man of Armor let me so, let me sue, let
me see your isabellis. How I shall, should I survive, as, please the
uniter of U.M.I. hearts, I am living in hopes to do, replacing
mig wandering handsup in yawers so yeager for mitch, positively
cover the two pure chicks of your comely plumpchake with
zuccherikissings, hong, kong, and so gong, that I'd scare the bats
out of the ivfry one of those puggy mornings, honestly, by my
rantandog and daddyoak I will, become come coming when,
upon the mingling of our meeting waters, wish to wisher, like
massive mountains to part no more, you will there and then, in
those happy moments of ouryour soft accord, rainkiss on me
back, for full marks with shouldered arms, and in that united
I.R.U. stade, when I come (touf! touf!) wildflier's fox into my
own greengeese again, swap sweetened smugs, six of one for half
a dozen of the other, till they'll bet we're the cuckoo derby
when cherries next come back to Ealing as come they must, as
they musted in their past, as they must for my pressing season,
as hereinafter must they chirrywill immediately suant on my
safe return to ignorance and bliss in my horseless Coppal Poor,
through suirland and noreland, kings country and queens, with
my ropes of pearls for gamey girls the way ye'll hardly. Knowme.
    Slim ye, come slum with me and rally rats' roundup! 'Tis
post purification we will, sales of work and social service,
missus, completing our Abelite union by the adoptation of
fosterlings. Embark for Euphonia! Up Murphy, Henson and
O'Dwyer, the Warchester Warders! I'll put in a shirt time
if you'll get through your shift and between us in our shared
slaves, brace to brassiere and shouter to shunter, we'll pull off our
working programme. Come into the garden guild and be free
of the gape athome! We'll circumcivicise all Dublin country.
Let us, the real Us, all ignite in our prepurgatory grade as apos-

cals and be instrumental to utensilise, help our Jakeline sisters
clean out the hogshole and generally ginger things up. Meliorism
in massquantities, raffling receipts and sharing sweepstakes till
navel, spokes and felloes hum like hymn. Burn only what's Irish,
accepting their coals. You will soothe the cokeblack bile that's
Anglia's and touch Armourican's iron core. Write me your
essayes, my vocational scholars, but corsorily, dipping your
nose in it, for Henrietta's sake, on mortinatality in the life of
jewries and the sludge of King Haarington's at its height, running
boulevards over the whole of it. I'd write it all by mownself if
I only had here of my jolly young watermen. Bear in mind, by
Michael, all the provincial's bananas peels and elacock eggs mak-
ing drawadust jubilee along Henry, Moore, Earl and Talbot
Streets. Luke at all the memmer manning he's dung for the pray
of birds, our priest-mayor-king-merchant, strewing the Castle-
knock Road and drawing manure upon it till the first glimpse of
Wales and from Ballses Breach Harshoe up to Dumping's Corner
with the Mirist fathers' brothers eleven versus White Friars out
on a rogation stag party. Compare them caponchin trowlers
with the Bridge of Belches in Fairview, noreast Dublin's favourite
souwest wateringplatz and ump as you lump it. What do you
mean by Jno Citizen and how do you think of Jas Pagan?
Compost liffe in Dufblin by Pierce Egan with the baugh in
Baughkley of Fino Ralli. Explain why there is such a number
of orders of religion in Asea! Why such an order number in
preference to any other number? Why any number in any order
at all? Now? Where is the greenest island off the black coats
of Spaign? Overset into universal: I am perdrix and upon my
pet ridge. Oralmus! Way, O way for the autointaxication of
our town of the Fords in a huddle! Hailfellow some wellmet
boneshaker or, to ascertain the facts for herself, run up your
showeryweather once and trust and take the Drumgondola tram
and, wearing the midlimb and vestee endorsed by the hierarchy
fitted with ecclastics, bending your steps, pick a trail and stand
on, say, Aston's, I advise you strongly, along quaith a copy of
the Seeds and Weeds Act when you have procured one for your-

self and take a good longing gaze into any nearby shopswindow
you may select at suppose, let us say, the hoyth of number
eleven, Kane or Keogh's, and in the course of about thirtytwo
minutes' time proceed to turn aroundabout on your heehills to-
wards the previous causeway and I shall be very cruelly mis-
taken indeed if you will not be jushed astunshed to see how you
will be meanwhile durn weel topcoated with kakes of slush
occasioned by the mush jam of the cross and blackwalls traffic
in transit. See Capels and then fly. Show me that complaint book
here. Where's Cowtends Kateclean, the woman with the muckrake?
When will the W.D. face of our sow muckloved d'lin, the Troia
of towns and Carmen of cities, crawling with mendiants in per-
forated clothing, get its wellbelavered white like l'pool and
m'chester? When's that grandnational goldcapped dupsydurby
houspill coming with its vomitives for our mothers-in-load and
stretchers for their devitalised males? I am all of me for freedom
of speed but who'll disasperaguss Pope's Avegnue or who'll
uproose the Opian Way? Who'll brighton Brayhowth and bait
the Bull Bailey and never despair of Lorcansby? The rampant
royal commissioners! 'Tis an ill weed blows no poppy good. And
this labour's worthy of my higher. Oil for meed and toil for feed
and a walk with the band for Job Loos. If I hope not charity what
profiteers me? Nothing! My tippers of flags are knobs of hard-
shape for it isagrim tale, keeping the father of curls from the
sport of oak. Do you know what, liddle giddles? One of those
days I am advised by the smiling voteseeker who's now snoring
elued to positively strike off hiking for good and all as I bldy
well bdly ought until such temse as some mood is made under
privy-sealed orders to get me an increase of automoboil and foot-
wear for these poor discalced and a bourse from bon Somewind for
a cure at Badanuweir (though where it's going to come from this
time      ) as I sartunly think now, honest to John, for an income
plexus that that's about the sanguine boundary limit. Amean.
    Sis dearest, Jaun added, with voise somewhit murky, what
though still high fa luting, as he turned his dorse to her to pay
court to it, and ouverleaved his booseys to give the note and

score, phonoscopically incuriosited and melancholic this time
whiles, as on the fulmament he gaped in wulderment, his on-
saturncast eyes in stellar attraction followed swift to an imagin-
ary swellaw, O, the vanity of Vanissy! All ends vanishing! Pur-
sonally, Grog help me, I am in no violent hurry. If time enough
lost the ducks walking easy found them. I'll nose a blue fonx
with any tristys blinking upon this earthlight of all them that
pass by the way of the deerdrive, conconey's run or wilfrid's
walk, but I'd turn back as lief as not if I could only spoonfind
the nippy girl of my heart's appointment, Mona Vera Toutou
Ipostila, my lady of Lyons, to guide me by gastronomy under
her safe conduct. That's more in my line. I'd ask no kinder of
fates than to stay where I am, with my tinny of brownie's tea,
under the invocation of Saint Jamas Hanway, servant of Gamp,
lapidated, and Jacobus a Pershawm, intercissous, for my thuri-
fex, with Peter Roche, that frind of my boozum, leaning on my
cubits, at this passing moment by localoption in the birds' lodg-
ing, me pheasants among, where I'll dreamt that I'll dwealth mid
warblers' walls when throstles and choughs to my sigh hiehied,
with me hares standing up well and me longlugs dittoes, where
a maurdering row, the fox! has broken at the coward sight till
well on into the beausome of the exhaling night, pinching stop-
andgo jewels out of the hedges and catching dimtop brilliants
on the tip of my wagger but for that owledclock (fast cease to it!)
has just gone twoohoo the hour and that yen breezes zipping
round by Drumsally do be devils to play fleurt. I could sit on safe
side till the bark of Saint Grouseus for hoopoe's hours, till heoll's
hoerrisings, laughing lazy at the sheep's lightning and turn a wida-
most ear dreamily to the drummling of snipers, hearing the wire-
less harps of sweet old Aerial and the mails across the nightrives
(peepet! peepet!) and whippoor willy in the woody (moor park!
moor park!) as peacefed as a philopotamus, and crekking jugs
at the grenoulls, leaving tealeaves for the trout and belleeks for the
wary till I'd followed through my upfielded neviewscope the
rugaby moon cumuliously godrolling himself westasleep amuckst
the cloudscrums for to watch how carefully my nocturnal goose-

mother would lay her new golden sheegg for me down under in
the shy orient. What wouldn't I poach      the rent in my river-
side, my otther shoes, my beavery, honest!      ay, and melt my
belt for a dace feast of grannom with the finny ones, those happy
greppies in their minnowahaw, flashing down the swansway,
leaps ahead of the swift MacEels, the big Gillaroo redfellows
and the pursewinded carpers, rearin antis rood perches astench
of me, or, when I'd like own company best, with the help of a
norange and bear, to be reclined by the lasher on my logansome,
my g.b.d. in my f.a.c.e., solfanelly in my shellyholders and lov'd
latakia, the benuvolent, for my nosethrills, with the jealosomines
wilting away to their heart's deelight and the king of saptimber
letting down his humely odours for my consternation, dapping
my griffeen, burning water in the spearlight or catching trophies
of the king's royal college of sturgeone by the armful for to bake
pike and pie while, O twined me abower in L'Alouette's Tower,
all Adelaide's naughtingerls juckjucking benighth me, I'd ga-
mut my twittynice Dorian blackbudds chthonic solphia off my
singasongapiccolo to pipe musicall airs on numberous fairy-
aciodes. I give, a king, to me, she does, alone, up there, yes see,
I double give, till the spinney all eclosed asong with them. Isn't
that lovely though? I give to me alone I trouble give! I may have
no mind to lamagnage the forte bits like the pianage but you
can't cadge me off the key. I've a voicical lilt too true. Nomario!
And bemolly and jiesis! For I sport a whatyoumacormack in the
latcher part of my throughers. And the lark that I let fly (olala!)
is as cockful of funantics as it's tune to my fork. Naturale you
might lower register me as diserecordant, but I'm athlone in the
lillabilling of killarnies. That's flat. Yet ware the wold, you!
What's good for the gorse is a goad for the garden. Lethals lurk
heimlocked in logans. Loathe laburnums. Dash the gaudy death-
cup! Bryony O'Bryony, thy name is Belladama! But enough of
greenwood's gossip. Birdsnests is birdsnests. Thine to wait but
mine to wage. And now play sharp to me. Doublefirst I'll head
foremost through all my examhoops. And what sensitive coin
I'd be possessed of at Latouche's, begor, I'd sink it sumtotal, every

dolly farting, in vestments of subdominal poteen at prime cost
and I bait you my chancey oldcoat against the whole ounce you
half on your backboard (if madamaud strips mesdamines may
cold strafe illglands!) that I'm the gogetter that'd make it pay like
cash registers as sure as there's a pot on a pole. And, what with one
man's fish and a dozen men's poissons, sowing my wild plums to
reap ripe plentihorns mead, lashings of erbole and hydromel and
bragget, I'd come out with my magic fluke in close time, fair,
free and frolicky, zooming tophole on the mart as a factor. And
I tell you the Bective's wouldn't hold me. By the unsleeping
Solman Annadromus, ye god of little pescies, nothing would
stop me for mony makes multimony like the brogues and the
kishes. Not the Ulster Rifles and the Cork Milice and the Dublin
Fusees and Connacht Rangers ensembled! I'd axe the channon
and leip a liffey and drink annyblack water that rann onme way.
Yip! How's thats for scats, mine shatz, for a lovebird? To funk is
only peternatural its daring feers divine. Bebold! Like Varian's
balaying all behind me. And before you knew where you
weren't, I stake my ignitial's divy, cash-and-cash-can-again, I'd
be staggering humanity and loyally rolling you over, my sow-
white sponse, in my tons of red clover, nighty nigh to the metro-
nome, fiehigh and fiehigher and fiehighest of all. Holy petter and
pal, I'd spoil you altogether, my sumptuous Sheila! Mumm all
to do brut frull up fizz and unpop a few shortusians or shake a
pale of sparkling ice, hear it swirl, happy girl! Not a spot of my
hide but you'd love to seek and scanagain! There'd be no stand-
ing me, I tell you. And, as gameboy as my pagan name K.C. is
what it is, I'd never say let fly till we shot that blissup and
swumped each other, manawife, into our sever nevers where I'd
plant you, my Gizzygay, on the electric ottoman in the lap of
lechery, simpringly stitchless with admiracion, among the most
uxuriously furnished compartments, with sybarate chambers, just
as I'd run my shoestring into near a million or so of them as a
firstclass dealer and everything. Only for one thing that, how-
over famiksed I would become, I'd be awful anxious, you under-
stand, about shoepisser pluvious and in assideration of the terrible

luftsucks woabling around with the hedrolics in the coold amstop-
here till the borting that would perish the Dane and his chapter
of accidents to be atramental to the better half of my alltoolyrical
health, not considering my capsflap, and that's the truth now out
of the cackling bag for truly sure, for another thing, I never could
tell the leest falsehood that would truthfully give sotisfiction. I'm
not talking apple sauce eithou. Or up in my hat. I earnst. Schue!
    Sissibis dearest, as I was reading to myself not very long ago
in Tennis Flonnels Mac Courther, his correspondance, besated
upon my tripos, and just thinking like thauthor how long I'd like
myself to be continued at Hothelizod, peeking into the focus and
pecking at thumbnail reveries, pricking up ears to my phono on
the ground and picking up airs from th'other over th'ether, 'tis
tramsported with grief I am this night sublime, as you may see
by my size and my brow that's all forehead, to go forth, frank
and hoppy, to the tune the old plow tied off, from our nostorey
house, upon this benedictine errand but it is historically the most
glorious mission, secret or profund, through all the annals of our
     as you so often term her      efferfreshpainted livy, in beautific
repose, upon the silence of the dead, from pharoph the nextfirst
down to ramescheckles the last bust thing. The Vico road goes
round and round to meet where terms begin. Still onappealed
to by the cycles and unappalled by the recoursers we feel all
serene, never you fret, as regards our dutyful cask. Full of my
breadth from pride I am (breezed be the healthy same!) for 'tis a
grand thing (superb!) to be going to meet a king, not an every-
night king, nenni, by gannies, but the overking of Hither-on-
Thither Erin himself, pardee, I'm saying. Before there was patch
at all on Ireland there lived a lord at Lucan. We only wish
everyone was as sure of anything in this watery world as we are
of everything in the newlywet fellow that's bound to follow. I'll
lay you a guinea for a hayseed now. Tell mother that. And tell
her tell her old one. 'Twill amuse her.
    Well, to the figends of Annanmeses with the wholeabuelish
business! For I declare to Jeshuam I'm beginning to get sunsick!
I'm not half Norawain for nothing. The fine ice so temperate

of our, alas, those times are not so far off as you might wish to
be congealed. So now, I'll ask of you, let ye create no scenes in
my poor primmafore's wake. I don't want yous to be billow-
fighting you biddy moriarty duels, gobble gabble, over me till
you spit stout, you understand, after soused mackerel, sniffling
clambake to hering and impudent barney, braggart of blarney,
nor you ugly lemoncholic gobs o'er the hobs in a sewing circle,
stopping oddments in maids' costumes at sweeping reductions,
wearing out your ohs by sitting around your ahs, making areek-
eransy round where I last put it, with the painters in too,
curse luck, with your rags up, exciting your mucuses, turning
breakfarts into lost soupirs and salon thay nor you flabbies on
your groaning chairs over Bollivar's troubles of a bluemoondag,
steamin your damp ossicles, praying Holy Prohibition and Jaun
Dyspeptist while Ole Clo goes through the wood with Shep
togather, touting in the chesnut burrs for Goodboy Sommers
and Mistral Blownowse hugs his kindlings when voiceyversy
it's my gala bene fit, robbing leaves out of my taletold book.
May my tunc fester if ever I see such a miry lot of maggalenes!
Once upon a drunk and a fairly good drunk it was and the rest
of your blatherumskite! Just a plain shays by the fire for absent-
er Sh the Po and I'll make ye all as eastern hummingsphere of
myself the moment that you name the way. Look in the slag
scuttle and you'll see me sailspread over the singing, and what
do ye want trippings for when you've Paris inspire your hat?
Sussumcordials all round, let ye alloyiss and ominies, while I
stray and let ye not be getting grief out of it, though blighted
troth be all bereft, on my poor headsake, even should we forfeit
our life. Lo, improving ages wait ye! In the orchard of the bones.
Some time very presently now when yon clouds are dissipated
after their forty years shower, the odds are, we shall all be hooked
and happy, communionistically, among the fieldnights eliceam,
élite of the elect, in the land of lost of time. Johannisburg's a re-
velation! Deck the diamants that never die! So cut out the lone-
some stuff! Drink it up, ladies, please, as smart as you can lower
it! Out with lent! Clap hands postilium! Fastintide is by. Your

sole and myopper must hereupon part company. So for e'er fare
thee welt! Parting's fun. Take thou, the wringle's thine, love.
This dime doth trost thee from mine alms. Goodbye, swisstart,
goodbye! Haugh! Haugh! Sure, treasures, a letterman does be
often thought reading ye between lines that do have no sense at
all. I sign myself. With much leg. Inflexibly yours. Ann Posht
the Shorn. To be continued. Huck!
    Something of a sidesplitting nature must have occurred to
westminstrel Jaunathaun for a grand big blossy hearty stenor-
ious laugh (even Drudge that lay doggo thought feathers fell)
hopped out of his woolly's throat like a ball lifted over the
head of a deep field, at the bare thought of how jolly they'd like
to be trolling his whoop and all of them truetotypes in missam-
men massness were just starting to spladher splodher with the
jolly magorios, hicky hecky hock, huges huges huges, hughy
hughy hughy, O Jaun, so jokable and so geepy, O, (Thou pure!
Our virgin! Thou holy! Our health! Thou strong! Our victory!
O salutary! Sustain our firm solitude, thou who thou well
strokest! Hear, Hairy ones! We have sued thee but late. Beauty
parlous!) when suddenly (how like a woman!), swifter as mer-
cury he wheels right round starnly on the Rizzies suddenly, with
his gimlets blazing rather sternish (how black like thunder!), to
see what's loose. So they stood still and wondered. Till first he
sighed (and how ill soufered!) and they nearly cried (the salt of
the earth!) after which he pondered and finally he replied:
         There is some thing more. A word apparting and shall the
heart's tone be silent. Engagements, I'll beseal you! Fare thee
well, fairy well! All I can tell you is this, my sorellies. It's prayers
in layers all the thumping time, begor, the young gloria's gang
voices the old doxologers, in the suburrs of the heavenly gardens,
once we shall have passed, after surceases, all serene through
neck and necklike Derby and June to our snug eternal retribu-
tion's reward (the scorchhouse). Shunt us! shunt us! shut us!
If you want to be felixed come and be parked. Sacred ease there!
The seanad and pobbel queue's remainder. To it, to it! Seekit
headup! No petty family squabbles Up There nor homemade

hurricanes in our Cohortyard, no cupahurling nor apuckalips
nor no puncheon jodelling nor no nothing. With the Byrns
which is far better and eve for ever your idle be. You will hardly
reconnoitre the old wife in the new bustle and the farmer shinner
in his latterday paint. It's the fulldress Toussaint's wakeswalks
experdition after a bail motion from the chamber of horrus.
Saffron buns or sovran bonhams whichever you'r avider to like
it and lump it, but give it a name. Iereny allover irelands. And
there's food for refection when the whole flock's at home. Hog-
manny di'yegut? Hogmanny di'yesmellygut? And hogmanny
di'yesmellyspatterygut? You take Joe Hanny's tip for it! Post-
martem is the goods. With Jollification a tight second. Toborrow
and toburrow and tobarrow! That's our crass, hairy and ever-
grim life, till one finel howdiedow Bouncer Naster raps on the
bell with a bone and his stinkers stank behind him with the
sceptre and the hourglass. We may come, touch and go, from
atoms and ifs but we're presurely destined to be odd's without
ends. Here we moult in Moy Kain and flop on the seemy side,
living sure of hardly a doorstep for a stop gap, with Whogoes-
there and a live sandbag round the corner. But upmeyant, Pro-
spector, you sprout all your abel and woof your wings dead
certain however of neuthing whatever to aye forever while
Hyam Hyam's in the chair. Ah, sure, pleasantries aside, in the tail
of the cow what a humpty daum earth looks our miseryme here-
today as compared beside the Hereweareagain Gaieties of the
Afterpiece when the Royal Revolver of these real globoes lets
regally fire of his mio colpo for the chrisman's pandemon to give
over and the Harlequinade to begin properly SPQueaRking
Mark Time's Finist Joke. Putting Allspace in a Notshall.
    Well, the slice and veg joint's well in its way, and so is a
ribroast and jackknife as sporten dish, but home cooking every-
time. Mountains good mustard and, with the helpings of ladies'
lickfings and gentlemen's relish, I've eaten a griddle. But I fill
twice as stewhard what I felt before when I'm after eating a few
natives. The crisp of the crackling is in the chawing. Give us an-
other cup of your scald. Santos Mozos! That was a damn good

cup of scald! You could trot a mouse on it. I ingoyed your pick
of hissing hot luncheon fine, I did, thank awfully, (sublime!)
Tenderest bully ever I ate with the boiled protestants (allinoilia
allinoilia!) only for your peas again was a taste tooth psalty to
carry flavour with my godown and hereby return with my best
savioury condiments and a penny in the plate for the jemes.
O.K. Oh Kosmos! Ah Ireland! A.I. And for kailkannonkabbis
gimme Cincinnatis with Italian (but ci vuol poco!) ciccalick cheese,
Haggis good, haggis strong, haggis never say die! For quid we
have recipimus, recipe, O lout! And save that, Oliviero, for thy
sunny day! Soupmeagre! Couldn't look at it! But if you'll buy me
yon coat of the vairy furry best, I'll try and pullll it awn mee. It's in
fairly good order and no doubt 'twill sarve to turn. Remove this
boardcloth! Next stage, tell the tabler, for a variety of Hugue-
not ligooms I'll try my set on edges grapeling an aigrydoucks,
grilled over birchenrods, with a few bloomancowls in albies.
I want to get outside monasticism. Mass and meat mar no man's
journey. Eat a missal lest. Nuts for the nerves, a flitch for the flue
and for to rejoice the chambers of the heart the spirits of the
spice isles, curry and cinnamon, chutney and cloves. All the vital-
mines is beginning to sozzle in chewn and the hormonies to
clingleclangle, fudgem, kates and eaps and naboc and erics and
oinnos on kingclud and xoxxoxo and xooxox xxoxoxxoxxx till
I'm fustfed like fungstif and very presently from now posthaste
it's off yourll see me ryuoll on my usual rounds again to draw
Terminus Lower and Killadown and Letternoosh, Letterspeak,
Lettermuck to Littorananima and the roomiest house even in
Ireland, if you can understamp that, and my next item's platform
it's how I'll try and collect my extraprofessional postages owing
to me by Thaddeus Kellyesque Squire, dr, for nondesirable
printed matter. The Jooks and the Kelly-Cooks have been
milking turnkeys and sucking the blood out of the marshalsea
since the act of First Offenders. But I know what I'll do. Great
pains off him I'll take and that'll be your redletterday calendar,
window machree! I'll knock it out of him! I'll stump it out of
him! I'll rattattatter it out of him before I'll quit the doorstep of

old Con Connolly's residence! By the horn of twenty of both of
the two Saint Collopys, blackmail him I will in arrears or my
name's not penitent Ferdinand! And it's daily and hourly I'll
nurse him till he pays me fine fee. Ameal.
    Well, here's looking at ye! If I never leave you biddies till
my stave is a bar I'd be tempted rigidly to become a passionate
father. Me hunger's weighed. Hungkung! Me anger's suaged!
Hangkang! Ye can stop as ye are, little lay mothers, and wait in
wish and wish in vain till the grame reaper draws nigh, with
the sickle of the sickles, as a blessing in disguise. Devil a curly
hair I care! If any lightfoot Clod Dewvale was to hold me up,
dicksturping me and marauding me of my rights to my onus, yan,
tyan, tethera, methera, pimp, I'd let him have my best pair of
galloper's heels in the creamsourer. He will have better manners,
I'm dished if he won't! Console yourself, drawhure deelish!
There's a refond of eggsized coming to you out of me so mind
you do me duty on me! Bruise your bulge below the belt till I
blewblack beside you. And you'll miss me more as the narrowing
weeks wing by. Someday duly, oneday truly, twosday newly,
till whensday. Look for me always at my west and I will think
to dine. A tear or two in time is all there's toot. And then in a
click of the clock, toot toot, and doff doff we pop with sinnerettes
in silkettes lining longroutes for His Diligence Majesty, our
longdistance laird that likes creation. To whoosh!
         Meesh, meesh, yes, pet. We were too happy. I knew some-
thing would happen. I understand but listen, drawher nearest,
Tizzy intercepted, flushing but flashing from her dove and dart
eyes as she tactilifully grapbed her male corrispondee to flusther
sweet nunsongs in his quickturned ear, I know, benjamin brother,
but listen, I want, girls palmassing, to whisper my whish. (She
like them like us, me and you, had thoud he n'er it would haltin so
lithe when leased is tacitempust tongue). Of course, engine dear,
I'm ashamed for my life (I must clear my throttle) over this lost
moment's gift of memento nosepaper which I'm sorry, my
precious, is allathome I with grief can call my own but all the
same, listen, Jaunick, accept this witwee's mite, though a jenny-

teeny witween piece torn in one place from my hands in second
place of a linenhall valentino with my fondest and much left to
tutor. X.X.X.X. It was heavily bulledicted for young Fr Ml,
my pettest parriage priest, and you know who between us by
your friend the pope, forty ways in forty nights, that's the
beauty of it, look, scene it, ratty. Too perfectly priceless for
words. And, listen, now do enhance me, oblige my fiancy and
bear it with you morn till life's e'en and, of course, when never
you make usage of it, listen, please kindly think galways again
or again, never forget, of one absendee not sester Maggy. Ahim.
That's the stupidest little cough. Only be sure you don't catch your
cold and pass it on to us. And, since levret bounds and larks is
soaring, don't be all the night. And this, Joke, a sprig of blue
speedwell just a spell of floralora so you'll mind your veronique.
Of course, Jer, I know you know who sends it, presents that
please, mercy, on the face of the waters like that film obote,
awfly charmig of course, but it doesn't do her justice, apart from
her cattiness, in the magginbottle. Of course, please too write,
won't you, and leave your little bag of doubts, inquisitive, be-
hind you unto your utterly thine, and, thank you, forward it
back by return pigeon's pneu to the loving in case I couldn't
think who it was or any funforall happens I'll be so curiose to
see in the Homesworth breakfast tablotts as I'll know etherways
by pity bleu if it's good for my system, what exquisite buttons,
gorgiose, in case I don't hope to soon hear from you. And thanks
ever so many for the ten and the one with nothing at all on. I will
tie a knot in my stringamejip to letter you with my silky paper,
as I am given now to understand it will be worth my price in
money one day so don't trouble to ans unless sentby special as
I am getting his pay and wants for nothing so I can live simply
and solely for my wonderful kinkless and its loops of loveliness.
When I throw away my rollets there's rings for all. Flee a girl,
says it is her colour. So does B and L and as for V! And listen
to it! Cheveluir! So distant you're always. Bow your boche!
Absolutely perfect! I will pack my comb and mirror to praxis
oval owes and artless awes and it will follow you pulpicly

as far as come back under all my eyes like my sapphire chap-
lets of ringarosary I will say for you to the Allmichael and
solve qui pu while the dovedoves pick my mouthbuds (msch!
msch!) with nurse Madge, my linkingclass girl, she's a fright,
poor old dutch, in her sleeptalking when I paint the measles
on her and mudstuskers to make her a man. We. We. Issy
done that, I confesh! But you'll love her for her hessians
and sickly black stockies, cleryng's jumbles, salvadged from
the wash, isn't it the cat's tonsils! Simply killing, how she
tidies her hair! I call her Sosy because she's sosiety for me
and she says sossy while I say sassy and she says will
you have some more scorns while I say won't you take a few
more schools and she talks about ithel dear while I simply
never talk about athel darling; she's but nice for enticing my
friends and she loves your style considering she breaksin me
shoes for me when I've arch trouble and she would kiss my
white arms for me so gratefully but apart from that she's
terribly nice really, my sister, round the elbow of Erne street
Lower and I'll be strictly forbidden always and true in my own
way and private where I will long long to betrue you along with
one who will so betrue you that not once while I betreu him not
once well he be betray himself. Can't you understand? O bother,
I must tell the trouth! My latest lad's loveliletter I am sore I done
something with. I like him lots coss he never cusses. Pity bon-
hom. Pip pet. I shouldn't say he's pretty but I'm cocksure he's
shy. Why I love taking him out when I unletched his cordon
gate. Ope, Jack, and atem! Obealbe myodorers and he dote so.
He fell for my lips, for my lisp, for my lewd speaker. I felt for
his strength, his manhood, his do you mind? There can be no
candle to hold to it, can there? And, of course, dear professor, I
understand. You can trust me that though I change thy name
though not the letter never while I become engaged with my
first horsepower, masterthief of hearts, I will give your lovely
face of mine away, my boyish bob, not for tons of donkeys, to
my second mate, with the twirlers the engineer of the passio-
flower (O the wicked untruth! whot a tell! that he has bought

me in his wellingtons what you haven't got!), in one of those
pure clean lupstucks of yours thankfully, Arrah of the passkeys,
no matter what. You may be certain of that, fluff, now I know
how to tackle. Lock my mearest next myself. So don't keep me
now for a good boy for the love of my fragrant saint, you villain,
peppering with fear, my goodless graceless, or I'll first murder
you but, hvisper, meet me after by next appointment near you
know Ships just there beside the Ship at the future poor fool's
circuts of lovemountjoy square to show my disrespects now, let
me just your caroline for you, I must really so late. Sweet pig,
he'll be furious! How he stalks to simself louther and lover,
immutating aperybally. My prince of the courts who'll beat me
to love! And I'll be there when who knows where with the
objects of which I'll knowor forget. We say. Trust us. Our
game. (For fun!) The Dargle shall run dry the sooner I you
deny. Whoevery heard of such a think? Till the ulmost of all
elmoes shall stele our harts asthone! And Mrs A'Mara makes
it up and befriends with Mrs O'Morum! I will write down all
your names in my gold pen and ink. Everyday, precious, while
m'm'ry's leaves are falling deeply on my Jungfraud's Messonge-
book I will dream telepath posts dulcets on this isinglass stream
(but don't tell him or I'll be the mort of him!) under the libans
and the sickamours, the cyprissis and babilonias, where the
frondoak rushes to the ask and the yewleaves too kisskiss them-
selves and 'twill carry on my hearz'waves my still waters reflec-
tions in words over Margrate von Hungaria, her Quaidy ways
and her Flavin hair, to thee, Jack, ahoy, beyond the boysforus.
Splesh of hiss splash springs your salmon. Twick twick, twinkle
twings my twilight as Sarterday afternoon lex leap will smile on
my fourinhanced twelvemonthsmind. And what's this I was
going to say, dean? O, I understand. Listen, here I'll wait on thee
till Thingavalla with beautiful do be careful teacakes, more stues-
ser flavoured than Vanilla and blackcurrant there's a cure in, like
a born gentleman till you'll resemble me, all the time you're
awhile way, I swear to you, I will, by Candlemas! And listen,
joey, don't be ennoyed with me, my old evernew, when, by the

end of your chapter, you citch water on the wagon for me being
turned a star I'll dubeurry my two fesces under Pouts Vanisha
Creme, their way for spilling cream, and, accent, umto extend
my personnalitey to the latents, I'll boy me for myself only of
expensive rainproof of pinked elephant's breath grey of the
loveliest sheerest dearest widowshood over airforce blue I am
so wild for, my precious once, Hope Bros., Faith Street, Charity
Corner, as the bee loves her skyhighdeed, for I always had a
crush on heliotrope since the dusess of yore cycled round the
Finest Park, and listen. And never mind me laughing at what's
atever! I was in the nerves but it's my last day. Always about
this hour, I'm sorry, when our gamings for Bruin and Noselong
is all oh you tease and afterdoon my lickle pussiness I stheal
heimlick in my russians from the attraction part with my terri-
blitall boots calvescatcher Pinchapoppapoff, who is going to be
a jennyroll, at my nape, drenched, love, with dripping to affec-
tionate slapmamma but last at night, look, after my golden vio-
lents wetting in my upperstairs splendidly welluminated with
such lidlylac curtains wallpapered to match the cat and a fire-
please keep looking of priceless pearlogs I just want to see will
he or are all Michales like that, I'll strip straight after devotions
before his fondstare       and I mean it too, (thy gape to my gazing
I'll bind and makeleash) and poke stiff under my isonbound with
my soiedisante chineknees cheeckchubby chambermate for the
night's foreign males and your name of Shane will come forth
between my shamefaced whesen with other lipth I nakest open
my thight when just woken by his toccatootletoo my first morn-
ing. So now, to thalk thildish, thome, theated with Mag at the
oilthan we are doing to thay one little player before doing to
deed. An a tiss to the tassie for lu and for tu! Coach me how to
tumble, Jaime, and listen, with supreme regards, Juan, in haste,
warn me which to ah ah ah ah....
          MEN! Juan responded fullchantedly to her sororal sono-
rity, imitating himself capitally with his bubbleblown in his
patapet and his chalished drink now well in hand. (A spilt, see,
for a split, see see!) Ever gloriously kind! And I truly am

eucherised to yous. Also sacré père and maître d'autel. Well,
ladies upon gentlermen and toastmaster general, let us, brindising
brandisong, woo and win womenlong with health to rich vine-
yards, Erin go Dry! Amingst the living waters of, the living in
giving waters of. Tight! Loose! A stiff one for Staffetta mullified
with creams of hourmony, the coupe that's chill for jackless jill and
a filiform dhouche on Doris! Esterelles, be not on your weeping
what though Shaunathaun is in his fail! To stir up love's young
fizz I tilt with this bridle's cup champagne, dimming douce from
her peepair of hideseeks, tightsqueezed on my snowybrusted and
while my pearlies in their sparkling wisdom are nippling her
bubblets I swear (and let you swear!) by the bumper round of
my poor old snaggletooth's solidbowel I ne'er will prove I'm
untrue to your liking (theare!) so long as my hole looks. Down.
    So gullaby, me poor Isley! But I'm not for forgetting me
innerman monophone for I'm leaving my darling proxy behind
for your consolering, lost Dave the Dancekerl, a squamous run-
away and a dear old man pal of mine too. He will arrive inces-
santly in the fraction of a crust, who, could he quit doubling and
stop tippling, he would be the unicorn of his kind. He's the
mightiest penumbrella I ever flourished on behond the shadow
of a post! Be sure and link him, me O treasauro, as often as you
learn provided there's nothing between you but a plain deal
table only don't encourage him to cry lessontimes over Lepers-
town. But soft! Can't be? Do mailstanes mumble? Lumtum
lumtum! Now! The froubadour! I fremble! Talk of wolf in a
stomach by all that's verminous! Eccolo me! The return of
th'athlate! Who can secede to his success! Isn't Jaunstown,
Ousterrike, the small place after all? I knew I smelt the garlic
leek! Why, bless me swits, here he its, darling Dave, like
the catoninelives just in time as if he fell out of space, all
draped in mufti, coming home to mourn mountains from his
old continence and not on one foot either or on two feet
aether but on quinquisecular cycles after his French evolution
and a blindfold passage by the 4.32 with the pork's pate in his
suicide paw and the gulls laughing lime on his natural skunk,

blushing like Pat's pig, begob! He's not too timtom well ashamed
to carry out onaglibtograbakelly in his showman's sinister the
testymonicals he gave his twenty annis orf, showing the three
white feathers, as a home cured emigrant in Paddyouare far be-
low on our sealevel. Bearer may leave the church, signed, Figura
Porca, Lictor Magnaffica. He's the sneaking likeness of us, faith,
me altar's ego in miniature and every Auxonian aimer's ace as
nasal a Romeo as I am, for ever cracking quips on himself, that
merry, the jeenjakes, he'd soon arise mother's roses mid bedew-
ing tears under those wild wet lashes onto anny living girl's
laftercheeks. That's his little veiniality. And his unpeppeppedi-
ment. He has novel ideas I know and he's a jarry queer fish be-
times, I grant you, and cantanberous, the poisoner of his word,
but lice and all and semicoloured stainedglasses, I'm enormously
full of that foreigner, I'll say I am! Got by the one goat, suckled
by the same nanna, one twitch, one nature makes us oldworld
kin. We're as thick and thin now as two tubular jawballs. I hate
him about his patent henesy, plasfh it, yet am I amorist. I love
him. I love his old portugal's nose. There's the nasturtium for
ye now that saved manny a poor sinker from water on the grave.
The diasporation of all pirates and quinconcentrum of a fake like
Basilius O'Cormacan MacArty? To camiflag he turned his shirt.
Isn't he after borrowing all before him, making friends with
everybody red in Rossya, white in Alba and touching every dis-
tinguished Ourishman he could ever distinguish before or be-
hind from a Yourishman for the customary halp of a crown and
peace? He is looking aged with his pebbled eyes, and johnnythin
too, from livicking on pidgins' ifs with puffins' ands, he's been
slanderising himself, but I pass no remark. Hope he hasn't the
cholera. Give him an eyot in the farout. Moseses and Noasies,
how are you? He'd be as snug as Columbsisle Jonas wrocked in
the belly of the whaves, as quotad before. Bravo, senior chief!
Famose! Sure there's nobody else in touch anysides to hold a
chef's cankle to the darling at all for sheer dare with that prison-
potstill of spanish breans on him like the knave of trifles! A jolly-
tan fine demented brick and the prince of goodfilips! Dave

knows I have the highest of respect of annyone in my oweand
smooth way for that intellectual debtor (Obbligado!) Mushure
David R. Crozier. And we're the closest of chems. Mark my use
of you, cog! Take notice how I yemploy, crib! Be ware as you,
I foil, coppy! It's a pity he can't see it for I'm terribly nice about
him. Canwyll y Cymry, the marmade's flamme! A leal of the
O'Looniys, a Brazel aboo! The most omportent man! Shervos!
Ho, be the holy snakes, someone has shaved his rough diamond
skull for him as clean as Nuntius' piedish! The burnt out
mesh and the matting and all! Thunderweather, khyber schinker
escapa sansa pagar! He's the spatton spit, so he is, scaly skin
and all, with his blackguarded eye and the goatsbeard in
his buttinghole of Shemuel Tulliver, me grandsourd, the old
cruxader, when he off with his paudeen! That was to let the
crowd of the Flu Flux Fans behind him see me proper. Ah,
he's very thoughtful and sympatrico that way is Brother Intelli-
gentius, when he's not absintheminded, with his Paris addresse!
He is, really. Holdhard till you'll ear him clicking his bull's
bones! Some toad klakkin! You're welcome back, Wilkins, to
red berries in the frost! And here's the butter exchange to pfeife
and dramn ye with a bawlful of the Moulsaybaysse and yunker
doodler wanked to wall awriting off his phoney. I'm tired hair-
ing of you. Hat yourself! Give us your dyed dextremity here,
frother, the Claddagh clasp! I met with dapper dandy and he
shocked me big the hamd. Where's your watch keeper? You've
seen all sorts in shapes and sizes, marauding about the moppa-
mound. How's the cock and the bullfight? And old Auster and
Hungrig? And the Beer and Belly and the Boot and Ball? Not
forgetting the oils of greas under that turkey in julep and Father
Freeshots Feilbogen in his rockery garden with the costard? And
did you meet with Peadhar the Grab at all? And did you call on
Tower Geesyhus? Was Mona, my own love, no bigger than she
should be, making up to you in her bestbehaved manor when
you made your breastlaw and made her, tell me? And did you
like the landskip from Lambay? I'm better pleased than ten
guidneys! You rejoice me! Faith, I'm proud of you, french davit!

You've surpassed yourself! Be introduced to yes! This is me aunt
Julia Bride, your honour, dying to have you languish to scan-
dal in her bosky old delltangle. You don't reckoneyes him? He's
Jackot the Horner who boxed in his corner, jilting no fewer than
three female bribes. That's his penals. Shervorum! You haven't
seen her since she stepped into her drawoffs. Come on, spinister,
do your stuff! Don't be shoy, husbandmanvir! Weih, what's on
you, wip? Up the shamewaugh! She has plenty of woom in the
smallclothes for the bothsforus, nephews push! Hatch yourself
well! Enjombyourselves thurily! Would you wait biss she buds
till you bite on her? Embrace her bashfully by almeans at my
frank incensive and tell her in your semiological agglutinative yez,
how Idos be asking after her. Let us be holy and evil and let her
be peace on the bough. Sure, she fell in line with our tripertight
photos as the lyonised mails when we were stablelads together
like the corks again brothers, hungry and angry, cavileer
grace by roundhered force, or like boyrun to sibster, me and
you, shinners true and pinchme, our tertius quiddus, that never
talked or listened. Always raving how we had the wrinkles of
a snailcharmer and the slits and sniffers of a fellow that fell foul
of the county de Loona and the meattrap of the first vegetarian.
To be had for the asking. Have a hug! Take her out of poor
tuppeny luck before she goes off in pure treple licquidance. I'd
give three shillings a pullet to the canon for the conjugation to
shadow you kissing her from me leberally all over as if she was a
crucifix. It's good for her bilabials, you understand. There's no-
thing like the mistletouch for finding a queen's earring false.
Chink chink. As the curly bard said after kitchin the womn in
his hym to the hum of her garments. You try a little tich to the
tissle of his tail. The racist to the racy, rossy. The soil is for the
self alone. Be ownkind. Be kithkinish. Be bloodysibby. Be irish.
Be inish. Be offalia. Be hamlet. Be the property plot. Be Yorick
and Lankystare. Be cool. Be mackinamucks of yourselves. Be
finish. No martyr where the preature is there's no plagues like
rome. It gives up the gripes. Watch the swansway. Take your
tiger over it. The leady on the lake and the convict of the forest.

Why, they might be Babau and Momie! Yipyip! To pan! To
pan! To tinpinnypan. All folly me yap to Curlew! Give us a pin
for her and we'll call it a tossup. Can you reverse positions?
Lets have a fuchu all round, courting cousins! Quuck, the duck
of a woman for quack, the drake of a man, her little live apples
for Leas and love potients for Leos, the next beast king. Put
me down for all ringside seats. I can feel you being corrupted.
Recoil. I can see you sprouting scruples. Get back. And as
he's boiling with water I'll light your pyre. Turn about, skeezy
Sammy, out of metaphor, till we feel are you still tropeful
of popetry. Told you so. If you doubt of his love of darearing
his feelings you'll very much hurt for mishmash mastufractured
on europe you can read off the tail of his. Rip ripper rippest and
jac jac jac. Dwell on that, my hero and lander! That's the side
that appeals to em, the wring wrong way to wright woman. Shuck
her! Let him! What he's good for. Shuck her more! Let him
again! All she wants! Could you wheedle a staveling encore out
of your imitationer's jubalharp, hey, Mr Jinglejoys? Congrega-
tional singing. Rota rota ran the pagoda con dio in capo ed il dia-
volo in coda. Many a diva devoucha saw her Dauber Dan at the
priesty pagoda Rota ran. Uck! He's so sedulous to singe always
if prumpted, the mirthprovoker! Grunt unto us, I pray, your fore-
boden article in our own deas dockandoilish introducing the
death of Nelson with coloraturas! Coraio, fra! And I'll string
second to harmanize. My loaf and pottage neaheaheahear Ro-
chelle. With your dumpsey diddely dumpsey die, fiddeley fa.
Diavoloh! Or come on, schoolcolours, and we'll scrap, rug and
mat and then be as chummy as two bashed spuds. Bitrial bay
holmgang or betrayal buy jury. Attaboy! Fee gate has Heenan
hoity, mind uncle Hare? What, sir? Poss, myster? Acheve! Thou,
thou! What say ye? Taurus periculosus, morbus pedeiculosus.
Miserere mei in miseribilibus! There's uval lavguage for you! The
tower is precluded, the mob's in her petticoats; Mr R. E. Meehan
is in misery with his billyboots. Begob, there's not so much
green in his Ireland's eye! Sweet fellow ovocal, he stones out of
stune. But he could be near a colonel with a voice like that. The

bark is still there but the molars are gone. The misery billyboots
I used to lend him before we split and, be the hole in the year,
they were laking like heaven's reflexes. But I told him make your
will be done and go to a general and I'd pray confessions for
him. Areesh! Areesh! And I'll be your intrepider. Ambras!
Ruffle her! Bussing was before the blood and bissing will behind
the curtain. Triss! Did you note that worrid expressionism on
his megalogue? A full octavium below me! And did you hear
his browrings rattlemaking when he was preaching to himself?
And, whoa! do you twig the schamlooking leaf greeping ghastly
down his blousyfrock? Our national umbloom! Areesh! He
won't. He's shoy. Those worthies, my old faher's onkel that
was garotted, Caius Cocoa Codinhand, that I lost in a crowd,
used to chop that tongue of his, japlatin, with my yuonkle's
owlseller, Woowoolfe Woodenbeard, that went stomebathred,
in the Tower of Balbus, as brisk, man, as I'd scoff up muttan
chepps and lobscouse. But it's all deafman's duff to me,
begob. Sam knows miles bettern me how to work the
miracle. And I see by his diarrhio he's dropping the stammer
out of his silenced bladder since I bonded him off more as a
friend and as a brother to try and grow a muff and canonise his
dead feet down on the river airy by thinking himself into the
fourth dimension and place the ocean between his and ours,
the churchyard in the cloister of the depths, after he was capped
out of beurlads scoel for the sin against the past participle and
earned the factitation of codding chaplan and being as homely
gauche as swift B.A.A. Who gets twickly fullgets twice as alle-
manden huskers. But the whacker his word the weaker our ears
for auracles who parles parses orileys. Illstarred punster, lipster-
ing cowknucks. 'Twas the quadra sent him and Trinity too. And
he can cantab as chipper as any oxon ever I mood with, a tiptoe
singer! He'll prisckly soon hand tune your Erin's ear for you.
p.p. a mimograph at a time, numan bitter, with his ancomartins
to read the road roman with false steps ad Pernicious from
rhearsilvar ormolus to torquinions superbers while I'm far
away from wherever thou art serving my tallyhos and tullying

my hostilious by going in by the most holy recitatandas ffff for
my varsatile examinations in the ologies, to be a coach on the
Fukien mission. P? F? How used you learn me, brather
soboostius, in my augustan days? With cesarella looking on.
In the beginning was the gest he jousstly says, for the end is
with woman, flesh-without-word, while the man to be is in a
worse case after than before since she on the supine satisfies
the verg to him! Toughtough, tootoological. Thou the first
person shingeller. Art, an imperfect subjunctive. Paltry,
flappent, had serious. Miss Smith onamatterpoetic. Hammis-
andivis axes colles waxes warmas like sodullas. So pick your
stops with fondnes snow. And mind you twine the twos
noods of your nicenames. And pull up your furbelovs as far-
above as you're farthingales. That'll hint him how to click the
trigger. Show you shall and won't he will! His hearing is in-
doubting just as my seeing is onbelieving. So dactylise him up
to blankpoint and let him blink for himself where you speak the
best ticklish. You'll feel what I mean. Fond namer, let me never
see thee blame a kiss for shame a knee!
    Echo, read ending! Siparioramoci! But from the stress of
their sunder enlivening, ay clasp, deciduously, a nikrokosmikon
must come to mike.
         Well, my positively last at any stage! I hate to look at alarms
but, however they put on my watchcraft, must now close as I
hereby hear by ear from by seeless socks 'tis time to be up and
ambling. Mymiddle toe's mitching, so mizzle I must else 'twill
sarve me out. Gulp a bulper at parting and the moore the
melodest! Farewell but whenever, as Tisdall told Toole.
Tempos fidgets. Let flee me fiacckles, says the grand old mano-
ark, stormcrested crowcock and undulant hair, hoodies tway!
Yes, faith, I am as mew let freer, beneath me corthage, bound.
I'm as bored now bawling beersgrace at sorepaws there as Andrew
Clays was sharing sawdust with Daniel's old collie. This shack's
not big enough for me now. I'm dreaming of ye, azores. And, re-
member this, a chorines, there's the witch on the heath, sistra!
'Bansheeba peeling hourihaared while her Orcotron is hoaring

ho. And whinn muinnuit flittsbit twinn her ttittshe cries
tallmidy! Daughters of the heavens, be lucks in turnabouts
to the wandering sons of red loam! The earth's atrot! The
sun's a scream! The air's a jig. The water's great! Seven oldy
oldy hills and the one blue beamer. I'm going. I know I am.
I could bet I am. Somewhere I must get far away from Banba-
shore, wherever I am. No saddle, no staffet, but spur on the
moment! So I think I'll take freeboots' advise. Psk! I'll borrow
a path to lend me wings, quickquack, and from Jehusalem's
wall, clickclack, me courser's clear, to Cheerup street I'll travel
the void world over. It's Winland for moyne, bickbuck! Jee-
jakers! I hurt meself nettly that time! Come, my good frog-
marchers! We felt the fall but we'll front the defile. Was not my
olty mutther, Sereth Maritza, a Runningwater? And the bould
one that quickened her the seaborne Fingale? I feel like that
hill of a whaler went yulding round Groenmund's Circus with
his tree full of seaweeds and Dinky Doll asleep in her shell.
Hazelridge has seen me. Jerne valing is. Squall aboard for Kew,
hop! Farewell awhile to her and thee! The brine's my bride to
be. Lead on, Macadam, and danked be he who first sights Halt
Linduff! Solo, solone, solong! Lood Erynnana, ware thee wail!
With me singame soarem o'erem! Here's me take off. Now's
nunc or nimmer, siskinder! Here goes the enemy! Bennydick
hotfoots onimpudent stayers! Sorry! I bless alls to the whished
with this panromain apological which Watllwewhistlem sang to
the kerrycoys. Break ranks! After wage-of-battle bother I am
thinking most. Fik yew! I'm through. Won. Toe. Adry. You
watch my smoke.
    After poor Jaun the Boast's last fireless words of postludium
of his soapbox speech ending in'sheaven, twentyaid add one with
a flirt of wings were pouring to his bysistance (could they snip
that curl of curls to lay with their gloves and keep the kids
bright!) prepared to cheer him should he leap or to curse him
should he fall, but, with their biga triga rheda rodeo, the cherubs
in the charabang, set down here and sedan chair, don't you
wish you'd a yoke or a bit in your mouth, repulsing all attempts

at first hands on, as no es nada, our greatly misunderstood one
we perceived to give himself some sort of a hermetic prod or
kick to sit up and take notice, which acted like magic, while
the phalanx of daughters of February Filldyke, embushed and
climbing, ramblers and weeps, voiced approval in their customary
manner by dropping kneedeep in tears over their concelebrated
meednight sunflower, piopadey boy, their solase in dorckaness,
and splattering together joyously the plaps of their tappyhands
as, with a cry of genuine distress, so prettly prattly pollylogue,
they viewed him, the just one, their darling, away.
    A dream of favours, a favourable dream. They know how they
believe that they believe that they know. Wherefore they wail.
    Eh jourd'weh! Oh jourd'woe! dosiriously it psalmodied. Gues-
turn's lothlied answring to-maronite's wail.
    Oasis, cedarous esaltarshoming Leafboughnoon!
    Oisis, coolpressus onmountof Sighing!
    Oasis, palmost esaltarshoming Gladdays!
    Oisis, phantastichal roseway anjerichol!
    Oasis, newleavos spaciosing encampness!
    Oisis, plantainous dewstuckacqmirage playtennis!
    Pipetto, Pipetta has misery unnoticed!
    But the strangest thing happened. Backscuttling for the hop
off with the odds altogether in favour of his tumbling into the
river, Jaun just then I saw to collect from the gentlest weaner
among the weiners, (who by this were in half droopleaflong
mourning for the passing of the last post) the familiar yellow
label into which he let fall a drop, smothered a curse, choked a
guffaw, spat expectoratiously and blew his own trumpet. And next
thing was he gummalicked the stickyback side and stamped the
oval badge of belief to his agnelows brow with a genuine
dash of irrepressible piety that readily turned his ladylike
typmanzelles capsy curvy (the holy scamp!), with half a
glance of Irish frisky (a Juan Jaimesan hastaluego) from under
the shag of his parallel brows. It was then he made as if be
but waved instead a handacross the sea as notice to quit while
the pacifettes made their armpacts widdershins (Frida! Freda!

Paza! Paisy! Irine! Areinette! Bridomay! Bentamai! Soso-
sopky! Bebebekka! Bababadkessy! Ghugugoothoyou! Dama!
Damadomina! Takiya! Tokaya! Scioccara! Siuccherillina! Peoc-
chia! Peucchia! Ho Mi Hoping! Ha Me Happinice! Mirra! My-
rha! Solyma! Salemita! Sainta! Sianta! O Peace!), but in self-
righting the balance of his corporeity to reexchange widerem-
brace with the pillarbosom of the Dizzier he loved prettier, be-
tween estellos and venoussas, bad luck to the lie but when next
to nobody expected, their star and gartergazer at the summit of
his climax, he toppled a lipple on to the off and, making a brand-
new start for himself to run down his easting, by blessing hes
sthers with the sign of the southern cross, his bungaloid borsa-
line with the hedgygreen bound blew off in a loveblast (award
for trover!) and Jawjon Redhead, bucketing after, meccamaniac,
(the headless shall have legs!), kingscouriered round with an easy
rush and ready relays by the bridge a stadion beyond Ladycastle
(and what herm but he narrowly missed fouling her buttress for
her but for he acqueducked) and then, cocking a snook at the
stock of his sermons, so mear and yet so fahr from that region's
general, away with him at the double, the hulk of a garron,
pelting after the road, on Shanks's mare, let off like a wind hound
loose (the bouchal! you'd think it was that moment they gave
him the jambos!) with a posse of tossing hankerwaves to his
windward like seraph's summonses on the air and a tempest of
good things in packetshape teeming from all accounts into the
funnel of his fanmail shrimpnet, along the highroad of the
nation, Traitor's Track, following which fond floral fray he was
quickly lost to sight through the statuemen though without a
doubt he was all the more on that same head to memory dear
while Sickerson, that borne of bjoerne, la garde auxiliaire she
murmured, hellyg Ursulinka, full of woe (and how fitlier should
goodboy's hand be shook than by the warmin of her besom
that wrung his swaddles?): Where maggot Harvey kneeled till bags?
Ate Andrew coos hogdam farvel!
      Wethen, now, may the good people speed you, rural Haun,
export stout fellow that you are, the crooner born with sweet

wail of evoker, healing music, ay, and heart in hand of Sham-
rogueshire! The googoos of the suckabolly in the rockabeddy are
become the copiosity of wiseableness of the friarylayman in the
pulpitbarrel. May your bawny hair grow rarer and fairer, our own
only wideheaded boy! Rest your voice! Feed your mind! Mint
your peas! Coax your qyous! Come to disdoon blarmey and
walk our groves so charming and see again the sweet rockelose
where first you hymned O Ciesa Mea! and touch the light the-
orbo! Songster, angler, choreographer! Piper to prisoned! Musi-
cianship made Embrassador-at-Large! Good by nature and
natural by design, had you but been spared to us, Hauneen lad,
but sure where's the use my talking quicker when I know you'll
hear me all astray? My long farewell I send to you, fair dream of
sport and game and always something new. Gone is Haun! My
grief, my ruin! Our Joss-el-Jovan! Our Chris-na-Murty! 'Tis well
you'll be looked after from last to first as yon beam of light we
follow receding on your photophoric pilgrimage to your anti-
podes in the past, you who so often consigned your distributory
tidings of great joy into our nevertoolatetolove box, mansuetudi-
nous manipulator, victimisedly victorihoarse, dearest Haun of
all, you of the boots, true as adie, stepwalker, pennyatimer,
lampaddyfair, postanulengro, our rommanychiel! Thy now pal-
ing light lucerne we ne'er may see again. But could it speak how
nicely would it splutter to the four cantons praises be to thee,
our pattern sent! For you had       may I, in our, your and their
names, dare to say it?       the nucleus of a glow of a zeal of soul
of service such as rarely, if ever, have I met with single men.
Numerous are those who, nay, there are a dozen of folks still
unclaimed by the death angel in this country of ours today,
humble indivisibles in this grand continuum, overlorded by fate
and interlarded with accidence, who, while there are hours and
days, will fervently pray to the spirit above that they may never
depart this earth of theirs till in his long run from that place
where the day begins, ere he retourneys postexilic, on that day
that belongs to joyful Ireland, the people that is of all time, the
old old oldest, the young young youngest, after decades of

longsuffering and decennia of brief glory, to mind us of what
was when and to matter us of the withering of our ways, their
Janyouare Fibyouare wins true from Sylvester (only Walker
himself is like Waltzer, whimsicalissimo they go murmurand)
comes marching ahome on the summer crust of the flagway.
Life, it is true, will be a blank without you because avicuum's not
there at all, to nomore cares from nomad knows, ere Molochy
wars bring the devil era, a slip of the time between a date and a
ghostmark, rived by darby's chilldays embers, spatched fun
Juhn that dandyforth, from the night we are and feel and fade
with to the yesterselves we tread to turnupon.
    But, boy, you did your strong nine furlong mile in slick and
slapstick record time and a farfetched deed it was in troth, cham-
pion docile, with your high bouncing gait of going and your
feat of passage will be contested with you and through you, for
centuries to come. The phaynix rose a sun before Erebia sank his
smother! Shoot up on that, bright Bennu bird! Va faotre!
Eftsoon so too will our own sphoenix spark spirt his spyre
and sunward stride the rampante flambe. Ay, already the
sombrer opacities of the gloom are sphanished! Brave footsore
Haun! Work your progress! Hold to! Now! Win out, ye divil ye!
The silent cock shall crow at last. The west shall shake the east
awake. Walk while ye have the night for morn, lightbreakfast-
bringer, morroweth whereon every past shall full fost sleep.